An Inside Look at Mental Health Struggles

Trigger Warning: this post may be difficult for those struggling with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or disordered eating.

Mental Health struggles can be difficult to grasp for someone who never lived it. So not only am I trying to raise awareness by making you understand what’s going on in my head…

(ps. this is literally in the space of a few minutes)

My anxiety:

why aren’t they inviting me?

why am I such a loser when it comes to socializing?

I miss out on everything

I’m so lonely

did he text me back yet? I know it’s only been like 5 minutes but...

I wonder what she really thinks of me

what does that actually mean?

why am I so cold?

can I stop sweating

I can’t sleep…

Please shut up Camille, you’re so annoying

I feel sick again

why is my heart beating so fast?

he’s gonna leave me

maybe there was a car accident

maybe he died?

she probably doesn’t like me that way

I know he wouldn’t cheat but what if…

she just doesn’t care about me anymore

they probably just all ‘fake’ like me, it’s all pretending

omg he wants me to meet up with his friends, I’m going to die, seriously

what if they all hate me? I’m sure they do

they probably think I’m stupid or something

I hate going in public, there’s always someone looking at me and judging me

she’s mad at me

there’s no other explanation

I always say the wrong things at the wrong time

I’m ‘too much’ for people to handle me

I overreact and I’m too emotional

they found someone better than me

omg my belly hurts so much.

My eating disorder:

you’re too busy you don’t have time to eat

if you stay in bed long enough, you can skip lunch

you shouldn’t eat this

it’s bad for you

you didn’t workout today

don’t be lazy

did the pants get smaller or is it just in my head?

hunger is better than feeling the pain

didn’t you want abs?

look at all those weight loss tips!

you need to control something or you’ll go crazy

this is so exhausting why can’t I be normal?

I shouldn’t drink alcohol

it has so many calories in it…

I could go to the gym and weigh myself there

can she stop making comments on food

if you really want to be skinny again, you know what to do…

I’ve been there before, it was hell, no going back

I’m not in a relapse, I’m just being careful with what I eat

it’s scientifically impossible to gain 5 pounds in a day right?

I wish I didn’t look at the size of this

remember fat is not a feeling, you’re beautiful

My depression:

I wanna stay in bed

I’m so tired of my head

how can my soul feel dead?

I could just jump right there and I wouldn’t have any problems ever again

I wish I didn’t think of dark stuff like that

I can’t deal with this anymore

Why is it so hard to smile?

I don’t even care anymore

I’ll just cancel, it’s easier

I don’t have the energy

when was the last time I washed my hair?

why is life so difficult?

I feel like crying again

it hurts to breathe, there’s such a pressure on my chest...oh wait that’s just sadness

I’m so angry I could just blow up the whole fucking world

no one cares about me so why should I care about them

I messed up again, my life is screwed, I knew it

it’s like no matter how hard I try to be happy there’s always that annoying dark cloud over me that ruins everything

why am I so unloveable?

did I remember to take my meds?


is he talking to me?

what’s that noise?

what am I staring at?

I don’t remember what I just said

Omg I need to stop shaking my leg

I’m so bored

what am I forgetting?

where did I put my phone?

I have too much energy, I need to move or I’ll explode

can they stop talking so loud? I can’t hear my own thoughts

can I stop being so impulsive?

I wish I thought before doing that…

what did he ask me to do? Oh shit! I didn’t do it.

why am I standing? Everyone else is sitting

that little noise is so annoying, it’s gonna drive me crazy, does anyone hear it too?

I can’t concentrate

I swear I thought it was today, I can’t believe I’ve mixed up the dates again

shit I need to call them back I don’t remember what time they said

he talks way too fast I can’t keep up

oh no I’ve stopped listening, I’ll have to ask him to repeat

Written by: Camille Richard

#mentalhealth #mentalhealth #mentalillness #anxiety #eatingdisorder #ADHD #depression #camillerichard

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