Dear Dumb Diary

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2018 2:15pm in the library

Silverthorn Collegiate Institute

Etobicoke, ON

Dear Future Kim, You will be okay! I hate to break it to you, but life is not easy, not perfect, not fair...and get it through your thick skull...because it never will be.

That’s not to say you won’t have good days, great days, or days that close to perfection. You will!

I promise that you are on the right path. You have a family that loves you and friends that care about you...and when you doubt these things, trust it. Trust it! ... like how you are so adamant on telling your parents to trust you. There’s no proof, but just a strong sense of security that you are okay. Know that life will be tough, but take some advice from past Kim and know that she was strong.

Stronger than you will ever give yourself credit for because you don’t know how to be proud of yourself.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are smart. Bold. Creative. A little too giving….and sometimes a little too selfish. You can be entitled, but you have a good heart.

Remember that, and when you don’t, here is a list of things that you have gotten through in the past to remind you of it. At 24, you’ve already lost a best friend.

I don’t know if it’s for now or forever. You’ll tell yourself it’s okay when she was one of your biggest supporters. She’ll go on an amazing adventure that you were meant to go on together. It sucks, but trust that if things are meant to be then you’ll reconnect, and if not, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

You’ve slept through about a month of this year...quite literally.

You maxed out your credit card...again.

At 23, you went to 3 funerals.

One for your favourite person in the whole world, one for your coach’s wife, and one for an old friend that was too young to leave.

You failed your first two university courses in your final year of school and nearly forfeited your degree.

You struggled with your mental and physical health.

You dated more people than you should have and got dumped every time.

At 22, you dated someone that you fell in love with, only to have your heart broken.

At 21, you broke up with your boyfriend of four years.

At 20, you put yourself in a situation that questions your morals.

At 19, you forget how to trust yourself.

At 18, you commit to a relationship that will break you.

In the next five years, people will tell you how you should be feeling. They’ll remind you how lucky you are to have the life you live, but they likely won’t ask you how you feel. People will forget to let you speak and when you do, they’ll forget to listen.

But that’s okay.

It’s not because they don’t want to listen. It’s because they haven’t learned to turn down their thoughts and biases.

Although the last five years have been tough, they have been instrumental to who you are today.

So don’t forget that:

At 18, you graduated amongst some of the most successful you will ever meet in your life. You won’t talk to some of your best friends for the next five years, but when they come back to the city or you visit them in their new homes they’ll be waiting for you with open arms. At 19, you started at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. Apparently the top university in your country. It’ll take you some time to realize how lucky you are that your mom is a superhero. She graduated from the same program you did more than 30 years ahead of you. She started her own company, has collected a Bachelor, two Masters, and a PhD like they’re trophies, she is the breadwinner, and did most of this as a full-time mom to three. You’ll have big shoes to fill, but realize that you have different taste in shoes.

At 20, you’ll find your best friends. You’ll find a soul sister that understands you better than you will ever understand yourself. Next year, you two literally move mountains. It breaks your heart, but you won’t always be friends. You’ll hurt her and she’ll hurt you back. But things will come around. She will be an amazing friend when you least expect it and will always have your best interests when you don’t want to hear it, but need it.

At 21, you start your first summer at your current camp and spend time in Japan!! Somehow you’ll spend the next four years at camp, trying new experiences, challening yourself with more responsibilities, creating memories, and meeting some of your best friends. Japan will be one of the most impactful experiences of your life. You’ll “ima” like no tomorrow! You’ll climb Mount Fuji, you’ll meet some crazy passionate, loving, and fun people. You’ll love this experience so much that you’ll end up getting a tattoo years later to remind you of some of the happiest days of your life. At 22, you’ll go on another world adventure. You’ll end up in London, Paris, Florence, Cinque Terre, and Barcelona. You’ll pay for the whole trip yourself and plan most of it on your own. You’ll fall in love with the world and the people that you have yet to meet. You’ll cry because you are scared, you’ll cry because you’re frustrated, you’ll cry because you’re upset, and you’ll cry because you’ve never laughed so hard in your life. You’ll keep pictures of this trip on your desktop to remind you of all of the adventures you’ve had, but more importantly as a reminder of all of the adventures you have yet to have.

At 23, you’ll fall in love with someone that doesn’t deserve your love and fall deeper in love with strangers that deserve all of your love. He’s brilliant, kind, politically aware, he’s older….but you learn that age doesn’t necessarily make you any wiser. He pushes your limits in all of the right ways. You tell more stories, you sing a little louder, you dance a little wilder, you wear brighter clothes, you eat better. He makes you happy...until he doesn’t. He hurts you more than you could have ever predicted. You’ll get mad at him, but you’ll get over it. While you’re figuring out how to make peace, you question love, you question relationships, you question family, but in the end you don’t question his friendship. You’ve learned a lot from him and you’ll vow to never make the same mistake. Although he breaks your heart, you fall in love with a culture and people that was only available because he encouraged you to. You went on your first solo trip, you learned a new language, you got the chance to be 100% unabashedly you.

At 24, you start the year expecting perfection. You expect a fresh start and for a perfect year...because it’s your year! 24 is two cycles of 12 – a fresh lunar cycle. You expect your birth month to be perfect and your birthday to be perfect, but both are far from it. You forget your goals, your passions, and your raison d’etre, but that’s okay because you have people in your life to remind you of it when you are at the wayside. You’ll learn that you are the only person that can control your happiness. You have all of your goals written and you know what you want, just don’t forget to trust yourself.

Future Kim, life is not easy unless you choose to make it easy.

Remember that you are strong, beautiful, smart, charismatic, and funny...and when you don’t, try to surround yourself with people that can remind you of this. Try to be as compassionate with yourself as you are with others and I promise you’ll get there. Wherever there is, don’t rush. Take one step at a time, live in the moment, and wear your heart on your sleeve. I promise things will be okay...and if not, forget about it...what’s that thing you say to yourself?

...and so it goes.

You are loved and I am working on loving you always,

Present Kim <3

Written by: Kim Chau

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