Still Figuring Things Out

I have always had a strong dislike for the questions that make you think about the future.

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? How about 10 years from now?

I don’t even know what my day is going to look like, so how am I supposed to know what years in advance do? Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to have plans, to know what you want, and have ideas and details about where you want to be. However, for me? I have felt it always put a huge, daunting pressure on me, and I feel as if I should already know everything and have my life all planned out.

I may look like I have everything together, but I most definitely do not and you know what? That’s okay. I have had many things in my life go a different route than what I have planned for myself, for example college. I went to college three times and still don’t know what kind of career I want. Relationships have fallen through on me, I thought I would be with said person long-term only to end up being dumbfounded and have those plans go out the window. Friends that I have known for years come and go, and the future I thought I had with them has either dissipated or completely changed.

What I am getting at is that lifestyle changes and you along with it. So those goals you had when you were younger may have manifested into something gloriously bigger or could have done a total three-sixty and now you want something different for yourself. The thing to remember is that desires, goals, and passions change and you can’t expect yourself to know what you want, unless or until you feel happy and satisfied with where you are in life.

Life is not just a “fork in the road." It's more of a multi-direction, hilly, and not-so-straightforward road. It’s two steps forward and one backwards. Life loves to throw some curve balls at you and loves to serve up some lemons too; so take it with a grain of salt and know that your are not alone in this world of not being able to find yourself and your purpose. There are many people out there that don’t know either, or they do and their steps are a little more clear to them.

Rather than focusing solely on my future, and how I think I should be romantically and whatnot, I have done things I didn’t think I would do. I have tried and absolutely love boxing, I ran my first 5k last year, and I am building skill-sets and knowledge with online courses and by attending workshops. I am using creative outlets with writing and drawing and using yoga and meditation. I am exploring and creating new options and experiences for myself and in doing this, I hope that one day I will find what I am passionate about, and that will give me a sense of satisfying purpose.

So, if you were to ask me where I want to be in 5 to 10 years? I wouldn’t be able to give you a straight answer. I will tell you this though: I won’t fall for society's pressures on where I am “supposed to be at my age”. I will tell you that I will still feel the pressure of wanting to have a direction, but I will not let it dictate and control my decisions. I may not know where I am going to be in the future, but its okay and will always be okay. I believe that so long as I am true to myself, that I will eventually land where I am supposed to be and I will eventually figure things out.

Written by: Karina Azizqn

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