What does “normal” mean in this wild world?
I have been wondering for almost my whole life why are we so afraid to be different, to be weird and to let people think that we are strange. Why are we taught to act like everyone else, because we are told that otherwise we will be lonely. When I was little, my sister and I were playing one game in which we were choosing who we want to be – anyone but ourselves. I’ve always seen others like they are better than me. I thought that if I didn’t pretend to be someone else, no one would like me. The reason for that was the people around me, and my environment. They were not exactly what I wanted, but I didn’t know how to change it. So I was faking myself while trying to become more like them. This didn’t help a lot, as you may have thought, because I had friends, but I felt so lonely. I thought that something was wrong with me and I needed to fix it. I was constantly judging myself, trying to hide my emotions and feelings. For so long I was pretending to be someone else that at some point I just forgot who I was, who was the real me.
And don’t get me wrong – I was happy. I met some incredible people after all, and I had amazing moments with them, but I always had that voice in my head saying “I am not good enough”, “I need to be more like them,” and “how can they even like me when I look like this?” “How do these beautiful people want to be my friends?” “If I want to keep this, I need to act like them. I need to do what everyone is doing so I can make people comfortable around me.” That was in my mind constantly, and I was doing everything in my power to make everyone like me, when deep inside I hated myself.
Then everything changed. I met this beautiful friend who told me that the coolest thing is to be different, wild, and weird – to be who you want to be, without being afraid what people will say. It took me a while to believe it and make it my mantra, but finally I am here living my life with this belief. It was long process. I was afraid that no one would like my authentic self, but to my surprise it exactly the opposite happened. I attracted more people who were true to themselves and I liked them as much as they liked me. I found out that people will see you how they want to, no matter who you are. They will understand you on the level of their minds and that’s okay, because you will find people who are on the same level as you. And you will feel something incredible.
If you think about everything that we were told to be normal, you will find out that none of these things are really normal. In this world, everyone sees different realities, depending on what they believe, who they met before, and where they live. For one, “normal” means violence and fighting, for another, “normal” is to beat their child, to hate, and harass others. How the hell did that become normal? Why is hating ourselves more obvious than loving ourselves? Why do we say things which we don’t believe in and keep silent when we want to scream? Why is normal to be competitive and do everything in the name of success even if this is not our idea of a happy life? So often I ask myself this question, and I never have a clear answer, but I know one thing for sure: I will define my own normal and I will search for people who live with the same definition. I will ask as much as possible questions to find out who decides what is normal and why people don’t question the world they are living in today.