This Is Me


I’ve always had a hard time accepting the way I am.

Not necessarily because of my mistakes and my flaws (though they’re always around too), but because I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere.

I’m neither an introvert nor extrovert – sometimes I’m both. I studied science, but I love all things art and literature. I’m completely relaxed in my approach to serious issues, but little things make me lose my mind. I have a quiet, calm demeanor but when I’m angry or passionate I tend to break down all of my barriers.

It's always been on the back of my mind – which of these two women am I?

Do I think more creatively or linearly? Do I love science more or art? Do I like being around people or not?

As if those things are mutually exclusive.

But I’m not a one-dimensional person.

My examples are simple, but the problems that I have aren’t.

The same things that make me happy today may make me sad tomorrow, or vice versa.

This is important for me to understand, because I will still have to deal comments like what’s wrong with you? and why are you being like that?

It’s confusing. I mean, what is wrong with me?

It’s just me being myself. Reacting to people and life, in real time.

There’s no single way I can ever predict what my mood is going to be like or what I might say.

I’m me.

I’m angry and I’m sad. I get annoyed. I get annoyingly happy too.

I can’t change the way I feel and react. I never speak with the intention to hurt others but it happens, and it happens to all of us.

It seems like a silly thing to get worked up over, but I have those moments a lot.

Why did I say that? Or why didn’t I say this?

Why didn’t I help that person?

Why couldn’t I control my emotions?

I’m a living person with complex emotions. I don’t have an answer. Every day is different and every day I’m evolving.

It’s just me. All of it is me.

Written by: Jasman Sahota

#jasmansahota #identity #selflove #anxiety #vulnerability

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