This Is Me
I’ve always had a hard time accepting the way I am.
Not necessarily because of my mistakes and my flaws (though they’re always around too), but because I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere.
I’m neither an introvert nor extrovert – sometimes I’m both. I studied science, but I love all things art and literature. I’m completely relaxed in my approach to serious issues, but little things make me lose my mind. I have a quiet, calm demeanor but when I’m angry or passionate I tend to break down all of my barriers.
It's always been on the back of my mind – which of these two women am I?
Do I think more creatively or linearly? Do I love science more or art? Do I like being around people or not?
As if those things are mutually exclusive.
But I’m not a one-dimensional person.
My examples are simple, but the problems that I have aren’t.
The same things that make me happy today may make me sad tomorrow, or vice versa.
This is important for me to understand, because I will still have to deal comments like what’s wrong with you? and why are you being like that?
It’s confusing. I mean, what is wrong with me?
It’s just me being myself. Reacting to people and life, in real time.
There’s no single way I can ever predict what my mood is going to be like or what I might say.
I’m angry and I’m sad. I get annoyed. I get annoyingly happy too.
I can’t change the way I feel and react. I never speak with the intention to hurt others but it happens, and it happens to all of us.
It seems like a silly thing to get worked up over, but I have those moments a lot.
Why did I say that? Or why didn’t I say this?
Why didn’t I help that person?
Why couldn’t I control my emotions?
I’m a living person with complex emotions. I don’t have an answer. Every day is different and every day I’m evolving.
It’s just me. All of it is me.
Written by: Jasman Sahota