Why it’s Okay to Be Dumped
Every relationship you will have will make you learn something new about yourself. And every thing you admire about your partner is a quality that you possess but doesn’t necessarily have developed. (Hint, it’s time to work on it now)
See, my first ever break up, I learned that I couldn’t depend on someone else to love me and make me feel confident. I had to do that MYSELF. Because it meant that by losing my boyfriend I would lose any self-worth? Ridiculous. It was hard but he always told me I couldn’t let anybody break me...What he didn’t know was that it would include him.
My second breakup, I learned that I deserve better than to settle and be unhappy about a situation just because it is comforting and easy. That, as scary as change can be, it’s okay to be alone. That feeling ‘stuck’ is in not a good thing. I learned to stop letting my world turn only around one person, because as healthy as the relationship can be, it will lead to a fiasco. I had to make new friends and have new hobbies as so many of them had her in it. I learned that a relationship is daily commitment to yourself and to the other person. I learned not to force feelings, it isn’t because someone like you that you have to like them back, that you have to figure out who you are first on your own before being with someone.
My third breakup (that happened this week actually) teach me this… Fucking listen to your instinct. You KNOW when you deserve better, but the fear of abandonment, solitude, heartbreaks etc. keeps you from asking for it. You know when something is off, so don’t ignore it. It might be new, exciting and maybe you’re thinking it’s just uncomfortable being out of your comfort zone. But at the end of the night, if they make you doubt your relationship, if they make you question their feelings for you...It’s an indicator they’re just not that into you. When you feel when you’re not with them is as important as how you feel when you’re with them. Do they ignore you when you’re not physically together? What each person that I dated - not necessarily been in a relationship with - taught me is valuable. I learned that I have a tendency to put others before me, to avoid my feelings of pain by getting involved romantically, that I get attached REALLY easily but put walls around my heart and is constantly scared of opening up and being betrayed. Having been with people who were emotionally and psychologically abusive taught me to never EVER let anyone make me feel crazy for asking to be respected or for an explanation. That lies are a no-go in a relation. That there’s so much they can say and apologize for but if their actions doesn’t follow, they don’t actually mean it.
As for my friendships, I’ve been dumped many times. Yes you can be dumped in friendships too, and it can be just as painful...I learned that you deserve to be around people that make you feel good about yourself, not someone who makes you feel hard to love. That having a good mental health is better than feeling normal. That no matter how sweet someone can be to your face, if they talk in people’s back and criticize everything, eventually they will turn on you too. I learned that people who don’t take responsibility for their actions and always puts the blame on you without being grateful for what you do for them are usually really good at manipulating people. I learned that friends who don’t bother to stay when time gets hard or doesn’t even ask you about your problems are not that interested about staying in your life.
Any of these sounds familiar? What did YOU learned in your relationships?
When a relation ends, either as friends or lovers, we have the impression that a part of us dies, the part that we decided to share because we trusted them. We might be hard on ourselves thinking “we should have known”. But that’s the thing, you didn’t, we’re not computers so yes sometimes our judgement is influence by our feelings. It’s painful to lose someone like that but your life is not over. People come and go, and as horrendous as that might sound, that’s just life. You have plenty of time and experiences to live to find the ones that are worth keeping around. The others are just there to help you grow. No relation is simple, but if it’s with the right person it’s worth it. No need to rush, we usually find them when we’re not looking and we just take a leap of faith.