Anxiety: My Daily Battle
I sit in the far corner of the room
Can anyone see me?
No.
I bite my nails
My left foot taps quickly on the cold, tiled floor
I cross my arms to stop from destroying my fingertips again
STOP. Sit still.
I can’t.
Thoughts race through my head
Am I annoying them?
Can they tell?
No.
I’m holding it together
I’m fine. I’m calm
My foot stops tapping. I take a deep breath
I drop my arms, resting them on my lap
I think about how I bailed on her again yesterday
Told her I was too tired at the last minute
I didn’t have the money
I start tapping my foot again
I miss seeing my friends
Why are they always busy?
Why do they never invite me out anymore?
WHY!
Oh.
Right.
Because I’m always “busy”
I bite my lip to spare my nails
I’m always too tired
Too broke
Too stressed
Too scared to leave the safety net that is my bed
Too everything…
I take a deep breath. Again.
I stop tapping my foot
My lip is bleeding
I hope no one notices
I shrink further into my darkened corner
How long has he been talking?
I look down at the blank page on the desk in front of me
Then up at the clock
45 MINUTES!
I ALWAYS DO THIS
WHY
WHY
WHY
I tap my foot again
Why am I even here?
I just stress myself out
I’m wasting money
Not even paying attention
Ignoring deadlines
Failing with only A’s and B’s
Where’s the A+?
I cover my bleeding lip with my hand
Act like you’re deep in thought
Yes
No one will notice, you’re too calm
Too quiet…
Invisible.
Useless.
Failure.
Why is everyone leaving?
Oh. Class is over
I stop tapping my foot
The notebook page is still blank
Why am I like this?
What’s the point?
Quit.
No. I can’t quit
Can’t keep being useless
Yes I can
My bed
I’ll feel better when I’m home
No.
When I’m in my bed
Yes
Why didn’t I text him back?
Safe.
I didn’t clean up
Didn’t do dishes
Didn’t make supper
Is he annoyed with me?
He’s going to break up with me
No. Safe.
I need to study.
No. Safe…
Only when I sleep
#shannontillett #anxiety #mentalhealth #battle #thoughts #sitstill #thinking #panicattack #panic #grades #overthink #shantilly13
