Anxiety: My Daily Battle


I sit in the far corner of the room

Can anyone see me?

No.

I bite my nails

My left foot taps quickly on the cold, tiled floor

I cross my arms to stop from destroying my fingertips again

STOP. Sit still.

I can’t.

Thoughts race through my head

Am I annoying them?

Can they tell?

No.

I’m holding it together

I’m fine. I’m calm

My foot stops tapping. I take a deep breath

I drop my arms, resting them on my lap

I think about how I bailed on her again yesterday

Told her I was too tired at the last minute

I didn’t have the money

I start tapping my foot again

I miss seeing my friends

Why are they always busy?

Why do they never invite me out anymore?

WHY!

Oh.

Right.

Because I’m always “busy”

I bite my lip to spare my nails

I’m always too tired

Too broke

Too stressed

Too scared to leave the safety net that is my bed

Too everything…

I take a deep breath. Again.

I stop tapping my foot

My lip is bleeding

I hope no one notices

I shrink further into my darkened corner

How long has he been talking?

I look down at the blank page on the desk in front of me

Then up at the clock

45 MINUTES!

I ALWAYS DO THIS

WHY

WHY

WHY

I tap my foot again

Why am I even here?

I just stress myself out

I’m wasting money

Not even paying attention

Ignoring deadlines

Failing with only A’s and B’s

Where’s the A+?

I cover my bleeding lip with my hand

Act like you’re deep in thought

Yes

No one will notice, you’re too calm

Too quiet…

Invisible.

Useless.

Failure.

Why is everyone leaving?

Oh. Class is over

I stop tapping my foot

The notebook page is still blank

Why am I like this?

What’s the point?

Quit.

No. I can’t quit

Can’t keep being useless

Yes I can

My bed

I’ll feel better when I’m home

No.

When I’m in my bed

Yes

Why didn’t I text him back?

Safe.

I didn’t clean up

Didn’t do dishes

Didn’t make supper

Is he annoyed with me?

He’s going to break up with me

No. Safe.

I need to study.

No. Safe…

Only when I sleep

By @shantilly_13

#shannontillett #anxiety #mentalhealth #battle #thoughts #sitstill #thinking #panicattack #panic #grades #overthink #shantilly13

Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Archive
Search By Tags
No tags yet.
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square