Trigger Warning: this post may be difficult for those struggling with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or disordered eating.
Mental Health struggles can be difficult to grasp for someone who never lived it. So not only am I trying to raise awareness by making you understand what’s going on in my head…
(ps. this is literally in the space of a few minutes)
why aren’t they inviting me?
why am I such a loser when it comes to socializing?
I miss out on everything
I’m so lonely
did he text me back yet? I know it’s only been like 5 minutes but...
I wonder what she really thinks of me
what does that actually mean?
why am I so cold?
can I stop sweating
I can’t sleep…
Please shut up Camille, you’re so annoying
I feel sick again
why is my heart beating so fast?
he’s gonna leave me
maybe there was a car accident
maybe he died?
she probably doesn’t like me that way
I know he wouldn’t cheat but what if…
she just doesn’t care about me anymore
they probably just all ‘fake’ like me, it’s all pretending
omg he wants me to meet up with his friends, I’m going to die, seriously
what if they all hate me? I’m sure they do
they probably think I’m stupid or something
I hate going in public, there’s always someone looking at me and judging me
she’s mad at me
there’s no other explanation
I always say the wrong things at the wrong time
I’m ‘too much’ for people to handle me
I overreact and I’m too emotional
they found someone better than me
omg my belly hurts so much.
My eating disorder:
you’re too busy you don’t have time to eat
if you stay in bed long enough, you can skip lunch
you shouldn’t eat this
it’s bad for you
you didn’t workout today
don’t be lazy
did the pants get smaller or is it just in my head?
hunger is better than feeling the pain
didn’t you want abs?
look at all those weight loss tips!
you need to control something or you’ll go crazy
this is so exhausting why can’t I be normal?
I shouldn’t drink alcohol
it has so many calories in it…
I could go to the gym and weigh myself there
can she stop making comments on food
if you really want to be skinny again, you know what to do…
I’ve been there before, it was hell, no going back
I’m not in a relapse, I’m just being careful with what I eat
it’s scientifically impossible to gain 5 pounds in a day right?
I wish I didn’t look at the size of this
remember fat is not a feeling, you’re beautiful
I wanna stay in bed
I’m so tired of my head
how can my soul feel dead?
I could just jump right there and I wouldn’t have any problems ever again
I wish I didn’t think of dark stuff like that
I can’t deal with this anymore
Why is it so hard to smile?
I don’t even care anymore
I’ll just cancel, it’s easier
I don’t have the energy
when was the last time I washed my hair?
why is life so difficult?
I feel like crying again
it hurts to breathe, there’s such a pressure on my chest...oh wait that’s just sadness
I’m so angry I could just blow up the whole fucking world
no one cares about me so why should I care about them
I messed up again, my life is screwed, I knew it
it’s like no matter how hard I try to be happy there’s always that annoying dark cloud over me that ruins everything
why am I so unloveable?
did I remember to take my meds?
is he talking to me?
what’s that noise?
what am I staring at?
I don’t remember what I just said
Omg I need to stop shaking my leg
I’m so bored
what am I forgetting?
where did I put my phone?
I have too much energy, I need to move or I’ll explode
can they stop talking so loud? I can’t hear my own thoughts
can I stop being so impulsive?
I wish I thought before doing that…
what did he ask me to do? Oh shit! I didn’t do it.
why am I standing? Everyone else is sitting
that little noise is so annoying, it’s gonna drive me crazy, does anyone hear it too?
I can’t concentrate
I swear I thought it was today, I can’t believe I’ve mixed up the dates again
shit I need to call them back I don’t remember what time they said
he talks way too fast I can’t keep up
oh no I’ve stopped listening, I’ll have to ask him to repeat
Written by: Camille Richard