Someone once told me “be grateful for everything you have," but it's so hard to be grateful when nothing seems okay, when the world is falling apart, and your heart is in pieces. Everyone has that kind of period, when everything is dark, and you lose your hope for light. In these moments, it doesn't matter what is happening around you, because the darkness inside you doesn’t allow you to see anything else. You are wondering what the meaning of everything is.
But in those moments you should be the most grateful, because s something is dying inside of you, making space for new things to arrive. When the dark is everything you see don't be afraid. Don't try to run away or hide your feelings. Be curious what is inside of this black hole. From our first year on this Earth we are taught to search for happiness. We are taught that when you are not happy that means that you are doing something wrong. We don't allow ourselves to be sad, because people will judge us. Be happy – how often you hear that. What about the sadness?
One of my favorite Disney movies is Inside Out, because you can see that sadness is just a feeling – that you need it as much as the happiness. And only when you accept both feelings you will feel the comfort of being yourself. That's what I learnt from this great animation.
If you know me, you will notice that I am always smiling and making jokes. I am the one who will make everyone feel happy and understood. Because of that, it was so hard for me to let in the sadness. I was thinking How can a girl like me be sad? I have everything that I want. But deep inside I felt like something was missing. I was running from my emotions, pretending that I was still the funny girl who had a perfect life.
But there comes a point in your life when you cannot pretend anymore. You cannot run and hide from yourself. So, when that time came for me, suddenly, I felt so much freedom. I was crying every day, but at least I was me. I was expressing what was inside and it felt so good.
No one understood me. My family and my friends were trying to help me, but they didn't know that sometimes sadness is the best thing which can happen to you. In the dark, you can find light much brighter that anything you have ever seen. Only when you sit in your sadness without trying to change it or to do anything you will find that feeling of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
In my darkest moments, I've found the blessing to be alive. So, I am grateful, not only for my good days, but for the bad days as well. I let my self go through everything with love and understanding. Because life is made for exploring its wholeness, not for trying to escape some parts of it.
Written by: Karina Azizqn