Growing up, girls are told that losing their virginity is this huge deal. We’re told that it’s something that will be life-changing. That we have to protect our virginity and save it for someone special. Or, that we are to wait until marriage for that moment. We’re told that it’s complicated, confusing, and difficult. At least, in the environment I grew up in, it seemed like being good at sex was basically rocket science, and that girls weren’t allowed to have sex with no strings attached.
So imagine my surprise when I had sex for the first time. The guy and I literally left each other with a “later bro”, and I felt… no different. A little sore, but exactly the same person. I sat in my car thinking, well… I guess that’s it?
Don’t get me wrong, sex is fun. But it’s also… just sex. It’s not a life-changing experience. At least it hasn’t been for me. Even the one thing I was taught to expect when losing my virginity (“you’re going to bleed”) didn’t happen. On my way home, I started laughing at how nervous I was for something that was just a moment.
It feels really good to be close to someone. It’s fun to please them, and to have them please you. But the thing is, it doesn’t have to be as big of a deal as we are told it should be. After spending so much time overthinking, judging myself, and worrying that I’d be legitimately awful at sex, I realized… it doesn’t have to be stressful. Sex is awkward. It’s not always comfortable. And it’s quite likely that losing your virginity isn’t this fireworks moment. And that’s okay.
I also didn't realize how instinctual sex is. I had spent so much time worrying about this moment that I didn't actually enjoy it much because I kept worrying I was doing it wrong. It took me months to learn that I'm allowed to ask for what I want. I'm allowed to advocate for my own pleasure, and sex should be about me too. I was so caught up in the whole virginity narrative that I forgot that the actual point of sex is for it to be fun for everyone involved!
So, I'm here to tell you that it's okay if losing your virginity is underwhelming. It's okay if you feel awkward sometimes during sex. Laugh it off, say what you want/need, and have fun. No matter what your sex life looks like (or doesn't – you do you, babe), it's valid and your experiences will always be unique to you.