For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to become a mother one day. I’m not saying that day is near on the horizon, but it has always been something in the back of my mind. I have a lot of living to do before I cross that bridge to motherhood, but it’s something I often think about.
Growing up in this wild, wild world has taught me a lot and there are so many things that I want to teach my daughter one day. I’ve often wondered if some of these things will change as I age, so I wanted to document them now. I want to remember the things that my 22-year-old self felt were crucial lessons that she needed to learn.
1. You’re made exactly how you’re supposed to be. There’s nothing that you should have to change about yourself for anyone or anything. You’re imperfectly perfect, my love.
2. Your health, both mental and physical, is important. Please don’t ever feel like you can’t ask for help. Doctors & therapists exist because there’s a need for them. I will always encourage you to reach out. Not all doctors & therapists will be the right fit for you – keep looking. You will find a professional that will suit your needs and most importantly listen to you.
3. Your voice is powerful beyond measure. Don’t let anyone try to silence the brilliance that will echo from your being. As a woman, you will face challenges but I hope that you harness your strength and speak out in the face of adversity. Stand with your sisters.
4. This world is huge. I challenge you to go to new places, meet new people, push your limits and experience different cultures. There is so much to learn from travel – go on countless adventures. Get your hands dirty, mess up your hair and go off the beaten path.
5. Take care of your body and mind. Find things that make you feel good. Nourish your body with healthy, fresh foods. Nourish your mind with literature and exercise. Fuel your body for all of the incredible adventures that it will take you on. Isn’t it amazing that you have a beating heart and legs that allow you to move? This is such a privilege. Don’t take your body and mind for granted. They’re extraordinary.
6. Consent. No one and I mean no one is entitled to your body or mind. There’s a zero-tolerance policy for assault and abuse. You belong to YOU. No one has the right to enter your space if you haven’t welcomed them in. No means no. Please don’t ever feel afraid to use the word “no”. Say it boldly. You should never feel shame or guilt. Your body equals your choices. Consent is sexy.
7. When you decide to have sex, I sincerely hope that you enjoy yourself. Humans are sexual beings and there’s nothing wrong will feeling pleasure. Figure out what you like. I hope your partner(s) are kind, loving and listen to you. Talk with your partner(s) about what you like and what you don’t like. There needs to be an open line of communication. The female orgasm is not a taboo subject – in fact, it should be celebrated. Let yourself feel pleasure. There’s absolutely no shame in that. Sex is to be enjoyed by all parties involved. Your needs are important too. Also, please use condoms and get STI checks. Take responsibility for your health.
8. Love. This is a hard one. I want to encourage you to love fearlessly, big, and fully. I don’t think there’s any more beautiful feeling than being in love with someone, even if it’s temporary. You will get hurt. It’s inevitable. You will cry to the end of your tears. But pick yourself up and love again. I saw a play by Norm Foster, and one of the lines was “Falling in love is never a waste of time”. This really stuck with me. It’s so true. You learn, my god do you learn. But let yourself love. Be open to it – over and over again. You will create some of your most authentic relationships through love. But know that if it doesn’t feel right you can leave. Don’t settle for less.
9. Loss. This one may be even harder. You will lose things. Relationships. Friends. People. Jobs. They’ll come and go. Know who your true friends are. One amazing friend is better than a large group of wannabes. Lovers will come and go. You deserve to be treated like the queen that you are. Don’t settle. Ever. Some of the hardest loses will be those you love. Remember we’re all dying (not in a morbid way). It’s just the truth. This brings me back to love. Spread love. Build genuine relationships with people and cherish your time with them because it’s all temporary. There will be loses that come as a surprise. These are sometimes the hardest. Life isn’t fair. People are dealt shitty hands all the time. But remember you are never given more than you can handle. The good memories will help you move forward. But let yourself hurt – let yourself grieve. No one expects you to grieve in a certain way so interpret that how you will. Saying goodbye is painful but know that there is beauty in those moments too. Let your big heart grow, feel and beat. Sometimes you have to step back and just be there in those moments of difficulty. Love. Time heals. Live every moment fully. Be there. Don’t wait for tomorrow.
10. You can be the CEO, the Prime Minister, the owner, the creator, the artist. You can be anything that you want to be. Keep shattering glass ceilings. There is a seat at the table for you. Your presence is important. Nothing will come without a whole lot of hard work and determination but if your heart is in the right place – it will all work out. I promise. Your path may not be a straight line, but you will get where you need to be. Be persistent.
There are so many things I want to teach you. I know you will learn many of them on your own. Remember that so many people love you. I hope that you surround yourself with people that lift you up. Ground yourself with an unshakeable foundation of self-love. If you ask me, you’re absolutely amazing. Our journeys all happen in our own time, and, above all, I hope you’re happy. Live well. Laugh often. Love with your whole heart.
If you need anything, I’ll always be there – in flesh and spirit.
Your Someday Mum.
By: Two Wild Tides