For the entire month of May, it felt as if I had fallen into a deep hole and It was too dark for me to see where I was. I did not know how I was going to find my way back up to the earths surface or how I was going to be able to walk on the green grass and feel the warm sun on my face again. I found myself standing still in this deep, dark hole. Sad and scared. Once I realized that I was stuck, the hole quickly became deeper and I began to sink, I was stuck.
With social media, I feel as if there is this pressure for artists to be active and to always be putting out content or else it seems like you are not doing anything with your life. And even worse, when you yourself are feeling lost, scrolling and looking at what everyone is doing will only make you feel even more stuck. The feeling of watching trains move past you without ever getting on one. It began to make me feel terrible about myself. Suddenly I found myself comparing myself to others and their work and feeling unaccomplished. Despite everything I have achieved and worked for, the success of others was making me feel like a failure.
A feeling of everyone is pushing forward, but you…..but that is not necessarily the truth. In June, I decided to dedicate the month to work on myself. I realized that even if you are not working/creating/indulging of what you wish, you can ALWAYS work on yourself. Even if you feel lost. Each day in June I decided to do something to help me grow.
The key was to keep my work life out of it. Instead of working making goals like “book 3 roles” and “model for ___”, I focused in on heart, soul, and spirituality. I set time for reflection, found new music, called my grandparents, and indulged in spiritual solitude. I spent time doing things that can always go back to. I am slowly learning to receive happiness, validation, and nourishment in places other than my career. What I must remember is that no one shares the same journey as me. No one is crafted the way I am, and no one shares my experiences. Therefore, you may share a similar goal or do the same things an someone, but no one is you. By becoming dedicated to truly bettering myself, I slowly began to see the opening of that dark hole and I am beginning to climb out - mindfully, and at the pace I need to. I am in no rush. In times of pauses in our life – Mindfulness, self reflection, and organization is key. Pauses do not mean failure. Confusion does not mean failure.
TAKING TIME TO BREATHE IS DOES NOT MEAN FAILURE.
As I continue my journey, I may fall into another hole. I WILL fall into another hole…and I will be okay because I know I will find my way out, and that my journey will resume.
- Kat K, a planted seed.
“I am a seed. Planted and routed into the ground, with the proper care and nourishment, I will blossom into something beautiful.”